Advice for incoming 1Ls....

You're going to get a long list of things you should do when you enter law school. I figured you'd need a list of things you should NOT do upon entering law school.

1) Do not hook up with anyone at the law school for at least three months. I've never eaten at the proverbial place where I shit, so to speak. That doesn't mean some people don't. If you are considering doing this, wait at least three months for the "new" sheen to wear off and allow you to see most of your legal cohorts for what they are....assholes who will most likely tell of your lack of bedroom prowess while getting sloppy drunk then calling you from the bar to pick him/her up for a little late night (shitty) bootay. Refrain. People like to gossip in law school....in fact, they act worse than middle schoolers. Except now, instead of hearing how Suzy likes Johnny, you are overhearing stories about Stacey's mismatched boobs and affinity for cracking a (non-proverbial) whip over the backs of unsuspecting 1Ls. Don't be a Stacey, people.

2) Do NOT run out and buy every single casebook on your reading list (especially at the bookstore). A lot of people would do a heck of a lot better in classes if they set aside some money for Emanuel's Crunchtime rather than that 200 dollar casebook they haven't touched all semester. Be honest with yourself....are you even going to show up to classes? If the answer is maybe, then speak to some upperclassmen, ask them if the professor even expects you to read or mostly lectures the entire time, then get some tips as to the best study guide for the class. While you're at it, ask for someone's old notes.

3) Do not outline....if it's not for you. Not everyone is an outliner. I am one of those people who would rather jump off a building rather than outline (and who gets about the same studying effect out of the two). Some people like to organize their notes in outline form. Some like to make flashcards. Some have photographic memories. Those with the photographic memories can fuck themselves. Everyone else....find out what works for you. Outlines (as hyped as they are) may not be the answer.

4) Do not be afraid to ask a question in class. I don't give two flying rat turds about being called a gunner. If asking a sincere question about something (if you HAVE READ...if you haven't, assume it's in the material, scan the material, then ask after class because otherwise, your classmates will --rightly-- want to pop a cap in your ass) qualifies you as a gunner, then so be it. That being said, don't ask a question that rephrases the last thing the professor said in hopes of making yourself look good to the professor. It makes you look like a tool.

5) Do NOT get shitty drunk at the first bar review. Without fail, at least one 1L gets a DWI after my school's first bar review. A few years ago, a person got one on a moped. Don't be that person (because you'll be remembered, but not in a good way. Maybe in an epic way, but trust me, you don't want to be the moped guy).

6) In fact, DO NOT drink and drive at all. There's another person I know that supposedly hit a police cruiser on her way back from the bar. Another person I know had a breathalyzer in his truck. And yet another had to ask everyone for rides because he had no license due to DUIs. This sucks, you have to divulge it to the Bar and future employers, and it shows up in a background scan. Plus your pictures are in the police database. And if you think those pictures don't circulate....think again. I know many people who have made them their computer's backgrounds.

7) Do not rely on other people's outlines to get a good grade in a class. People make outlines to retain information. You reading an outline may help a bit, but putting in the time to make that outline was what earned that person the A in the class. Don't kid yourself.

8) Don't expect to be one of the few A's in the class. At my school, we are graded on a B- curve. This sucks, because it means A's are in short abundance (and that our GPA averages are lower than the national average). While it's awesome to aspire to a good grade, just remember there are a lot more B- grades than A's.....and that someone has to be on the bottom of the bell curve.

I've got lots more, but this is probably the best advice I can offer. Have fun, read for class, and make friends outside of law school. Trust me, you'll need them.